he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
