...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
