if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
