I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
barbara walters just said penis...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
