community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
