My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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