there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
