so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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