my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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