i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
