Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
