if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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