I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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