Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
