my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
