totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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