Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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