My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
