Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
