my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
