After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
