Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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