How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
