I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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