maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
