I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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