I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Four minutes until I can fart!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We need to get me chipped asap
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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