dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
