Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
