I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
