I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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