I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
