Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
