Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
