Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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