tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
