I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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