Already got asked if we're dating
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
