I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
