Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
