i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
