Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
