bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
