i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
