Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
