So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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