Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
