and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
