I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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