rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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