i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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