I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
